Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Hannah - KPS 100WC - Week 1

The Meteor - Hannah Room 8 - Kamo Primary School

Suddenly I heard a crack. A meteor was coming our way. “I need help!” “Earth to Houston, earth to Houston”. “A meteor is heading for us. There is no time to stop”. “We need help!” We are near Neptune, no Uranus, no Saturn, no Jupiter.” “Yes we’re by Jupiter”. 
“I will be there right away”. 
“Quickly please, there is no time to lose it is getting closer and closer”. Omg it is burning like fire. I hope Houston is here soon. It looks dangerous.  I don't want to die! Look there is Houston. “Houston over here”! 
Where is the meteor?”


  1. Hello Hannah,
    I did post a comment before but it seems to have disappeared into cyberspace. Perhaps my comment might meet your spaceship as it floats around the galaxy!
    Anyway, I just wanted to say well done for your great story idea. It is a very dramatic story and the tension comes across well.
    I think you should try to balance the amount of speech with more description though to help build a picture of the setting in the reader's mind.
    Well done!
    Mrs Rowland (Team 100wc)


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